then

we met when i was 15. i was with my best friend at a show at the Parish, an old church that turned into an arts center where they held local bands. we came across F and his best friend smoking weed out of a recorder behind a dumpster. he started dating my best friend, but then that ended. then we were paired in a drama class scene and i think that’s when i fell for him. but i never told him that. because i was 16 and he was 17 and we communicated every way except for directly.

when we both got single in our 20s he came to see me in dc, then i went to see him in brooklyn. now we live in the same state again and saw each other once… but then he flaked out on me and i told him i was done. i overreacted but it felt warranted at the time. it was immature. but i guess it all comes back to the same issue he and I have always had. Part of me can’t help but feel and act like im still 15 when im around him.

there’s too much teenage history there to wholly connect with him as 24 year old me.

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